Today was one of those days where I found myself stuck in my own head. My plans for the day didn’t quite go as I had hoped, and that left me with a lot of time to think—maybe too much time.
Yesterday at my doctor’s appointment, the nurse asked me a simple question: “What did you do all summer?” I told her that I read, crafted, gardened, and spent time relaxing with Bella. She smiled, then followed it up with another question: “Did you do anything with friends?”
That question has lingered in my mind ever since. My honest answer was, “Not really.”
It made me realize how often I feel like I’m standing on the outside of things. I’m not sure why I spend most of my time alone, but I do know that crowds and social events usually make me feel uncomfortable. Truthfully, I struggle with anxiety in social situations—my chest gets tight, my thoughts start racing, and instead of enjoying myself, I’m counting down the minutes until I can be back home.
Home feels like my safe place—the one spot where I can breathe without pressure, where I don’t have to try so hard to fit in. And at home, I have Bella. She has this way of easing my anxiety, just by curling up next to me or looking at me with those big eyes that seem to say, “It’s okay, Mom.” She reminds me that I’m not really alone, even on the days when I feel like I am.
And yet, at the same time, there’s a part of me that misses having that connection with friends. It’s like being torn in two directions: the comfort of solitude versus the ache of loneliness.
I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this—sometimes it’s okay to just admit where you’re at, even if it feels messy or complicated. For now, I’m grateful that Bella helps me find a balance. She keeps me grounded, gives me comfort, and reminds me that connection doesn’t always have to be loud or crowded—it can be quiet, steady, and waiting right beside me on the couch.
The Adventures of Julie and Bella 2025 
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